2-6-17

8-18-16

Going to go backward again…so hold on….I had made this entry before my adventure started on my way to Vail.

The Scardey-Cat?

With age, I’m noticing that we sometimes, even though coming into our own, we become more fearful. I truly believe age IS just a number but becoming a scaredy-cat at 51 was not something I’m ready for or like admitting, even to myself. This past year my four brats (I mean kids), have cumulatively gone to Italy, Mexico, Florida, San Francisco, New Orleans, Los Angeles, Hogwarts, Laguna, and Seattle. Four of them, mom, the 51-year-old traveled guess where?? You guessed it, Denver to see THEM… AGAIN; third summer in a row!! Let’s not even mention the camping and river trips sprinkled in between the jet-setting they’ve all done. I’m supposed to, at 51, be doing all that! Not them! Yeeeeeaaaah…Ha… not really, I’m happy for them….all of them embracing life. Wanderlust is seeping from my pores to theirs. But seriously, I’m scared of my own shadow lately. Courage is not something I, Anita Campo, usually lack. I am not the wallflower in the room, I’m the go-getter, the jump and don’t look down, now… I’m a worm… a mushy, slow, pathetic worm. Every once in a while a quote, video, etc. catches me and I’ll have 15 minutes of bravery making all my feathers stand tall then, whoosh…. It’s gone! What’s happening at 51 is I’m allowing myself to be more honest and vulnerable to then be slapped on the ass with fear. Damn that stings.

On a proud moment and in the pathetic fear category in my life, I cut 4 inches off my hair yesterday, way to go 51-year-old. A way for me to walk-through fear!! NOT!!! (So, SMH) UGH. Really curious where our chutzpah goes when we actually start adult-ing ??? Any clues??? Btw….hair is almost grown back….time to be brave again….

The Shame Game…

So after writing this…forgetting about it, then re-reading today… I realize I’m not too much of a scardey-cat after all. Actually, I’m pretty damn brave, considering the journey that I am on and the challenges I’m facing….AND…. I’m just beginning to embrace it really and explore everything around me and am looking forward to the fun ahead. Writing and releasing this blog AND not having it be perfect is enormous for me. I HATE failure, and that is why the perfectionist in me waits and holds on to things that I either need to let soar or let be free. So next time I, or you, feel like you are a scaredy-cat…., remember all the things that you may have forgotten you’ve accomplished and quit shaming yourself and be proud and hold your head high!!! I am! If you’ve done this lately to yourself or…perhaps are doing it in your life right now, share it with me…I’ll be you Jimminey Cricket and tell you how to grab those damn horns and GO!! NO SHAME ALLOWED!

Talk to your yourself like you would to someone you love.    

 Brene’ Brown                                       

Hope to hear from you in the comments section….let me hear you ROAR!!!

 

Anita~